Ronnie Brown

5 Things You May Not Know About Tokyo

The first of many (no doubt) brief recaps on my recent trip.

1. Tokyo is home to the thinnest toilet paper I’ve ever had the misfortune to use. Everywhere I went (so to speak), it was like wiping with some kind of nanotechnology.
2. In some Tokyo bars, I would’ve been refused entry due to exposed tattoes on my arms. Apparently I could’ve been mistaken for a member of the Yakuza.
3. Everyone sleeps on the underground train system. Any time you travel by underground train, there will inevitably be a Japanese businessman, school girl or university student snoozing their way through another jouney.
4. People really do wear face masks as they go about their daily life. I’d heard theories that it was to do with not wanting to pass germs to their fellow citizens. I don’t understand this theory as the human immune system is built on the basis that we each need to catch bugs in order to be able to combat them.
5. You will never struggle to hail a taxi. Honestly, they are everywhere. Apparently the amount of taxis on the road has recently increased due to the opening up of the previously closed taxi market. This has led to drivers increasing their workload and only sleeping for a few hours a day (in their cars!)

Carlos Cuéllar song

To the tune of The Animals Went In Two By Two:

He’s the rock in our back four, Cuéllar, Cuéllar,

The opposition score no more, Cuéllar, Cuéllar,

He’s six foot two, with curly hair,

His teeth are fucked but we don’t care,

He’s Carlos Cuéllar,

The Rangers centre half.